Creatively Unfiltered Grace

Have you ever just… reached that mental place where nothing makes sense? Where your brain stops forming sentences, your thoughts are scrambled, and there’s just a big question mark floating in your head? That’s me right now. Completely fried.

I’m sitting on my couch. I haven’t really eaten today. I don’t even want to. But I had a snack—crisps, sweet chili flavor, knickknacks, basically what was left in the packet. Not much. My cat—bless her—is next to me, curled up, soft and warm, purring. Offering comfort I almost can’t feel because my mind is elsewhere.

What even, man. That’s all I can think. Literally just that. What even?

I wake up at five. Leave by six. Arrive at work by seven. Work until four. Sometimes longer. No proper lunch. No real break. Just grind, grind, grind. And then the drive home, traffic, dinner, shower, dishes, prayer time… and somewhere in the mix, I’m supposed to live a life? I’m supposed to enjoy it?

I hate structure. Hate it. The schedules, the plans, the clocks—everything so rigid, so exact—it’s suffocating me. My soul feels boxed in, my mind racing against itself. People say, “You need a coping mechanism!” I have them. Multiple. But the one I really want to use? The one that gives me space to breathe? I can’t. Not fully. Not yet. My body still tires so easily, recovering from surgery a few months ago, and every day feels like a little battle just to keep going.

So here I am. Couch, cat, crumbs, chaos. And Jesus. Because who’s going to put me back together? The Lord. Even though I’m so tired I can’t even get up to make myself a grilled cheese sandwich. Today was just… exhausting. I don’t even know what to say. All I can do is cling to Jesus for dear life. No words fail me, but Jesus will always catch me, because He is my everything—and I’ve made Him my everything.

Even in the midst of mental exhaustion, spiritual burnout, and overwhelming fatigue, I cling to Him. He reminds me that I’m never truly alone. Coping with life’s chaos, finding moments of rest, and seeking spiritual guidance in tough times doesn’t mean I’m weak—it means I’m human. And even when words fail me, Jesus holds me steady, helping me breathe, helping me survive, helping me live another day.I struggle with the fact that I am human, just saying. It’s like I remember that I am human but I also forget this little detail at times.