I haven’t been writing as much because life has been so messy and every time I think about writing , I just spiral and spiral into fear and anxiety. It feels like life and it’s messy vibes has stolen my joy along with my will to live. Don’t worry , the pesky spirit of suicide won’t take me out. I still converse daily with the Lord.
And when I ask Him what should I be doing , He says WRITE. And when I get to my laptop this is what pours out of me because again there is no concrete direction besides write. Writing helps us and writing tends to help others so we do what we do best.
A friend told me my skillset is vast that I can do anything really…hmmm can I though?
When I got retrenched, I started tutoring Math. I did that for a about a month before schools closed for the year. I loved it, because it gets my brain going and I really love helping the kids out where I can. I’ve always been a helper, I got paid for it though. Thereafter, I helped a friend out with her taxes. She was in quite a jam , she ended up getting about R30 000 back from the Tax Man. Not bad, she said I was a genius – that was the Lord because I didn’t do anything different. And I got paid for that!
I went to apply for my professional driving permit , so that I can become an Uber driver. It was hard to do the application because there were so many hoops to jump through . I am still waiting for police clearance since November 2025. There is some kind of delay – this is a bummer for me though. So even if I don’t have a worldly stable source of income , it would make sense if I keep gathering to make it through the next few months.
I just realized that I am stressed and down in the dumps because I am trying to do God’s job. At the beginning on this process, He said to me I am your provider – trust me I will provide for you. He said to me YOU are not your job; your identity lies in me and me alone. So, I have been wracking brain trying to figure out how I am going to make it through the next few months in my own strength that’s why I have been so down, besides my disaster of a love life.
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