So, my friend is telling me , I should tell her how I feel maybe it sparks something. I am hurting I don’t want her to stomp all over my vulnerability again. Because nothing I do or say gets through to her. Here is the script of the voice note that friend wants me to send:
‘ I don’t understand this, we were on the same page getting to know one another. Hanging out, joking around sharing out inner thoughts and things. Like, we were speaking like decent human beings being open with one another. Essentially getting to know one another so we can know what ticks the other off and vice versa, with understanding and reasoning. But, now we here and you just shut down on me saying we INCOMPATIBLE…
AND now I just don’t know how to get you back.’
I don’t want to send it because she’s shutdown , and it’s going to hurt even more. It’s like I want to be punished again and again. I was saying to the Lord, maybe I shouldn’t be with anyone because no matter how much I try to love someone in a romantic relationship form. It always doesn’t work out. I sometimes feel that human beings are not capable of the love I give out and bear in mind its selective because I can’t be giving out my love to everyone that doesn’t deserve it (Guarding my heart and stuff, blah blah). And , yes, I am a human being myself LOL!
His love that radiates through me , and believe me when I say this – its powerful. PEOPLE don’t want that kind of love, it’s too real it’s too imposing it’s too everything that people think that want and need and when they have it. NOPE, just bye – I can’t do this. So that’s why in my mind I’ve came to the conclusion that I shouldn’t be in a romantic relationship ever , yes, I am saying this now but trust me. This amount of heartache is not for the faint hearted.
I am good with people, I love love people, I can love on someone in a non-romantic fashion that doesn’t make sense to anyone. I had a colleague who was frustrated and took it out on me and I gave him a chocolate because I felt He needed it and the other colleague said to me ‘what is wrong with you, rewarding him for his poor behaviour’. Was I though? I just felt the Holy Ghost give him the chocolate His going to need it today and I didn’t feel cheated or like I am being walked on I just felt love for this guy that was having a bad day. But romantic relationships, I don’t know – doesn’t work out for me it seems.
Tune in tomorrow to see how my heart gets crushed again because I am sucker for the Lord and God’s Love. Because I will be sending the voice note – yip you heard me.
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