This year has been a wreck for me , I hated the environment that I use to work in because it was so toxic because it was indirectly forcing to be anyone but myself. I got dumped time and time again for being a decent human being. I had giant fibroids growing inside of me for God knows how long. I wasn’t happy with my weight, still not.
I keep starting things and stopping things. But God stayed, He is and will always be my constant. When people ask me how are you a Christian and why , you gay. My answer is simple because I wouldn’t be where I am without Him.
I wouldn’t have made it, and right now I am at my lowest because everything feels unstable my whole life is unstable right now. I don’t have a source of stable income and it scares the shit out of me.
When family and friends failed me, God came and saved me time and time again. He has always been there and I always had the privilege of speaking directly with Him (Thank you Jesus for this). And He answers me, every time. This is probably one of the most precious and guarded relationships I will ever have. I feel privileged because He always answers and many times, I don’t have to wait for an answers, this here is why I LOVE LOVE being a prophetess. LOL , it’s a perk.
Today I am fragile and confused, she withdraws because she says we are not compatible. She doesn’t want to talk about it , nothing – just shut down emotionally. But when I think about its possibly for the best because I can’t be with someone who expects me to guess what she’s feeling and thinking. I am NOT Jesus ; I wasn’t privileged to her thoughts and feelings. And she never wanted to speak about her thoughts and feelings.
There was another one , she was emotionally open but measured and wanted to control everything. She wanted to control how we met , when we spoke and then one day, she left me on read and just disappeared after several months I ended up blocking her because I didn’t feel that she needed access to me any longer. I knew she was separated from her wife but after a bit of investigating I saw that she still lived with her .
And the one before that , we were speaking and her words were ‘everything was just too much for me and I made a rash decision and blocked you’. I have no words , of how people can be so ruthless and still think that they are decent people. If you going to ask me, what did I do to them, I will say I tried to love them in the best possible way. You want space I give it you ; you need support I am there; you need finances I give it to you. And then they ghost me .
And the one before that, said the same thing ‘this is too much, let’s be friends’. I said sure let’s be friends. She checked in with me , I was fine and she blocked me. She told me ‘ I can feel you not good’. It annoyed me because I was good but in truth, she was the one that was not good with her decision. Tune in tomorrow to hear the rest of it.
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