I’m feeling so-so.
My ability to love at an uncompromising rate is affecting my ability to reason—while still trying to stay still, long enough, to hear the voice of the Lord.
So what do we call that?
The Lord says: That’s called unconditional love.
It’s beautiful, but it can be stifling too. He reminds me that my feelings are valid. My love doesn’t make me less human—it proves I am human.
So yes, I’m sad. I miss them. The silence feels suffocating, even though I know it isn’t meant to hurt. I am the one who stays when asked to stay, the one who shows up with the strength of a Bear. But right now I cannot be the Bear, and that helplessness cuts deep.
Because my love is good—my love is unconditional, it’s magic. They told me they’re not pushing me away. I believe them, yet it feels like that. My self-preservation rises, and the Lord whispers: Wait. They are worth your love.
I feel torn. So I choose neutral. Neutral is my safe place, my self-soothing. My emotional intelligence reminds me: this isn’t just my chapter, it’s theirs too.
So I won’t push. I won’t chase. I’ll stay still.
Neutral is safety. Neutral is protection from what I can’t control.
And that’s how I feel: emotionally mature, holding my ground in the neutral—because control isn’t mine to hold. It belongs to the Lord.
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